


The Red Knot

by Toucanon



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-31 05:24:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3966013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toucanon/pseuds/Toucanon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tala Trevelyan has always had difficulty with opening herself up to people, especially ones she didn’t trust. After being sent to the conclave as a representative of her family, she was the most wanted criminal in Thedas. Now she has been pegged as the Herald of Andraste, a name she particularly doesn’t like. Being forced to serve the Inquisition, her only concern is to seal the breach as quickly as possible so she can go back home. Will she be able to finally open up to the people who are trying to help her? Or will she seal the doors shut forever once the breach is closed?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Red Knot

**Author's Note:**

> First things first, any material that pertains to Bioware or Dragon Age I do not own. That includes this chapter and the ones to follow. Now since that's out of the way, this is also my first attempt at writing a fanfic or anything except college research papers so please forgive me if it still needs work or if it gets boring in some parts. But I am also open to comments and suggestions on how I could improve my writing.

Tala awoke in her quarters to the sound of the crackling fire. Her quarters were warm and she liked it that way. She hated the cold and if she had her way she’d be on a boat back to Ostwick. Unfortunately right now that wasn't an option. As she sat up in bed she heard a knock on her door. A young elf servant came in and notified her that Cassandra requested she come to the Chantry for a meeting when she wakes up. _Probably an update about the status of the Templars or mages_ , she thought.

She thanked the elf and started to get ready. She hated war meetings because that meant she had to see _him_. Ever since they’ve met he’s been trying to get her to talk and open up. Other than Varric, who seems content in having _someone_ to tell his stories to, the Commander is the only one who works so hard to get her to open up. The only person she’s been able to talk to since she’s been here is Solas and occasionally Dorian; whenever he drops by the see when they were moving in on Alexius. Wanting to get the meeting done and over with, she got dressed and walked out the door into the cold, frigid air at Haven.

When Tala walked through the door to the war room, everyone had already arrived and was waiting on her. The minute she walked in she could feel his eyes staring at her from across the table. _Don’t look_ , she told herself. _Because if you look, you have to smile and he might start talking to you_. She stared at the war table, then looked to Cassandra, hoping she would start the meeting but she was engaged in conversation with Leliana. Josephine was too busy studying a piece of paper she had on her clipboard to notice that the meeting had not started yet.

How is it that none of them have ever noticed how much he stares at her? Finally she looked up at him and he gave her a gentle smile. She forced herself to smile back but a half smile was all she could muster. Cullen’s attempt to start a conversation was cut short by Cassandra when she interrupted him and called the meeting to order. _Thank the Maker_ , she thought, _conversation avoided_.

“Josephine has received word from the Templars. They are still refusing to speak with the Herald”, Cassandra started, “They do not seem to be taking the Inquisition seriously.”

“And we have yet to receive any word from Alexius on the status of the mages in Redcliffe as well.” Leliana added.

“The Templars should be as concerned with the breach as we are and yet they still refuse to speak with us”, Cullen jeered.

“I could try and gather a few nobles from Orlais to support the Herald and together they could approach the Templars”, Josephine suggested.

“Or we could forget about the Templars and request another meeting with Alexius. The Templars refuse to even talk to us and I have already spoken with the mages. At this point, I say they are our best option.” Tala chimed in.

“How do we know the mages aren’t dangerous? That enough of their magic won’t destroy us all? I know the Templars have what it takes and I say _they_ would be our best option.” Cullen argued.

“At least the mages are willing to talk to us and come up with a solution rather than shutting us out”, Tala snapped back. “Leliana, send a message to Alexius and request another meeting as soon as possible.”

“I will send word as soon as we’re done here”, Leliana replied, “In the meantime, I will arrange for some of my agents to head to Redcliffe and find out what Alexius has been up to.”

“And I’ll start gathering some nobles from Orlais to speak with the Templars if you change your mind”, Josephine added.

“Good. So this meeting is done?” Tala said as she turned to walk out.

“Uh, Herald?”

“Yes, Commander?” she sighed.

“Will you be helping with training the new recruits today?”

_What? I’m surprised he asked considering what happened last time.._  “Uh, yes. I will be there.”

* * *

 As she left the war room, she couldn’t help but think about the Commander and why he’s so intent on getting her to open up. She has told him before that she doesn’t like to talk about personal things, or anything for that matter. She wants to help these people and close the breach, yes, but that doesn’t mean she has to get close to everyone. When she arrived back at her quarters, she thought back to the day she had met her advisors.

She already knew Leliana from the time they spent attempting to close the breach the first time. Josephine was excited to finally meet the person who was able to close the rifts but was greatly disappointed when Tala wasn’t overjoyed to hear stories of her life in Antiva. And then there was Commander Cullen. He seemed nice enough but when she found out he was a Templar she had lost what little interest she had in him to begin with. She wasn’t afraid of him in any way, she was a trained assassin and a rogue; she just didn’t trust Templars, at all.

 After the first initial meeting of the Inquisition, Cullen had stayed behind in the war room to welcome Tala to Haven.

“I just wanted to officially welcome you to Haven. If you need any information regarding the troops or any training you can come see me.”

“Uh, thanks. If I need anything I’ll let you know.”

As they walked outside the Chantry he continued, “So far we’ve received a number of recruits – locals from Haven and some pilgrims. Although none made _quite_ the entrance you did.”

“That wasn’t my idea.”

“I’d be concerned if it was. I was recruited to the Inquisition in Kirkwall myself. I was there during the mage uprising – I saw firsthand the devastation it caused. Cassandra sought a solution. When she offered me the position, I left the Templars to join her cause. Now it seems we face something far worse.”

_So he left the Order... No, stop. You still can’t trust him._

“You left the Templars for this. You believe the Inquisition can work?”

“I do. The Chantry lost control of both Templars and mages. Now they argue over a new Divine while the breach remains. The Inquisition could act when the Chantry cannot. Our followers would be a part of that. There’s so much we can –. Forgive me. I doubt you want me to give you a lecture.”

“I hadn’t planned on it, no.”

Cullen chuckled, “Then I shall spare you. There’s still a lot of work ahead.”

They were outside the gate by the tents now. There were soldiers preparing for combat in pairs of two. One would attack, the other defend, then switch. There was still a lot of work to be done but the Commander seemed to have a good handle on things. Through the soldiers, Tala could see a scout approaching them.

“Commander, Ser Rylen has a report on our supply lines.”

“As I was saying.”

Tala watched as the Commander gave her a smug smile and walked away with the scout. She shook her head at the memory. Ever since then he’s been content with talking openly to her about anything. Mostly it’s been random stories that he heard while in the Order or stories that he’s lived through. Many of which she never pays attention to and focuses on training the new set of recruits that come in, which is exactly what she will be doing later.

_Cullen is a nice guy. Why won’t you talk to him?_ The thought always crosses her mind. Why shouldn’t she trust him? He seems nice enough and he even stood up for her once when Chancellor Roderick was causing a commotion. The fact that he felt the need to defend her when she can most certainly stand up for herself frustrated her, but that wasn’t the reason. The reason is always the same: he’s a Templar. She would never trust him.

Mages on the other hand were different. She trusted mages and believed they are innocent victims. Maybe not so much now with the conclave destroyed and the death of Divine Justinia. While they were in the Hinterlands trying to find Mother Giselle she witnessed mages openly attacking anyone they came into contact with; that included the Inquisition. She was forced to kill several mages on the way to the refugee camp. Just the thought of having to kill so many of them made her sick to her stomach.

If the Templars wouldn’t have treated them like prisoners, this whole rebellion could’ve been avoided. Tala wouldn’t have been at the conclave, it wouldn’t have exploded killing almost everyone, and she wouldn’t be the blighted “Herald of Andraste”. She believed in the Maker well enough, but she didn’t want to be the Herald of anything let alone Andraste’s.

* * *

 She still had a few hours before the new recruits arrived. She decided it was best to eat before she started training so she wouldn’t pass out. That happened once and everyone went crazy thinking someone had attempted to assassinate the Herald with poison or something. And who was the first one by her side to help her through it all? Cullen. She was fine after they gave her some water and cooked ram but he still insisted he help her back to her quarters no matter how many times she protested. He’s like an annoying pest you can’t rid of no matter what you try to do.

Tala ordered some lunch and sat down by the lake to eat it. Varric decided to join her and share some of his stories about Hawke and their experiences at some tavern called The Hanged Man. She had been to Kirkwall a few times for the shops but she had never been to The Hanged Man. As she sat there eating her lunch and ignoring Varric, she thought about her family back in Ostwick. She should write to them and let them know that was alive and didn’t perish at the Temple of Sacred Ashes. She would also inform them of her new nickname, the one she doesn’t necessarily like, and thought about how overjoyed they would be at the name.

Her thoughts and Varric’s storytelling was interrupted when Cullen came over to inform her that the new recruits had just arrived and were getting settled in. She took one last bite of her lunch and fed the rest to a group of nugs that had gathered nearby.

“Guess that’s my cue to leave. I’ll let you spend some quality time with Curly.” Varric said with a laugh.

Tala shot him a look and the dwarf sauntered off, chuckling. It bothered her when Varric would jest about her and Cullen, especially when she made it obvious she has no interest in him. She glanced over in his direction and thankfully he was busy speaking with the lieutenant. _Time for more boring stories from the Commander_ , she thought. As long as he didn’t ask her any personal questions this time, she might not have to leave the training early. As she walked up to the weapon rack to get everything in order, Cullen wandered over to her smiling.

“Getting everything ready I see.”

Tala rolled her eyes, “Just like I do every time we train new recruits, Commander.”

“You’re not going to storm off again like last week, are you?”

“Well, that depends. Are you going to ask me if I have any siblings?” she replied.

Cullen chuckled, “I will certainly try not to. I’ll go let the new recruits know we’re ready to start.”

She felt bad about storming off when he had asked her about having any siblings. She knew he was only curious and was attempting to make small talk. But she had made it clear from the beginning that she didn’t like to talk about personal things, and siblings count as being personal.

> _“…My siblings were always so loud sometimes I had to leave just to get some peace and quiet.” Cullen chuckled at the memory. “Do you have any siblings?”_
> 
> _“What does that have to do with anything?” Tala stated._
> 
> _“What do you mean? I’m just asking a question.”_
> 
> _“Yes, a personal question. I thought I made it clear that I don’t want to talk about my personal life.”_
> 
> _“You did, and I apologize, but I’ve never seen you have an actual conversation with someone that didn’t include the breach or the mages.”_
> 
> _Tala, now clearly irritated, “My top priority is to seal the giant hole in the sky that shouldn’t be there. Maker forgive me for not having time in between to talk about things that are irrelevant to the mission.”_
> 
> _She gathered her things, “The recruits seem to know the technique. You can handle it from here.”_

She walked away and didn’t look back. She never even apologized. She always felt that she should, but it would be pointless now. Besides, he’s obviously still willing to talk to her so she might as well just forget about it.

“Alright, the recruits have been notified and they’re ready to go.” Cullen beamed.

“Good, then let’s get started…So what _fascinating_ story will you be telling today?”

“Well, I was thinking about a story from when I was a Templar at the circle.”

_Of course._ “Oh, sounds interesting.” _Time to tune him out and focus on the new recruits.._

“Well, while I was at the circle, there was a mage I was very close to.”

_Oh? That caught my attention. I might listen after all.._

“We knew each other before I came to the circle. She grew up on a farm near me and we used to play together almost every day before she left. Once she saw that I had become a Templar, she was thrilled to finally have someone she could talk to and trust.”

Normally Tala wouldn’t be interested in any of his stories but for some reason, this story reminded her of her sister, Nalani. She too had a friend who became a Templar after she was sent to the circle. _This feels like such a strange coincidence, if you could even call it that._ Coming back from her thoughts, Tala realized that Cullen had continued telling his story completely oblivious to the fact that she hasn’t been listening.

“…Then came time for her harrowing, and she couldn’t have been more excited. I had been the first person she told.” he continued.

Again, Tala’s mind drifted back to her sister when she had told her about her harrowing and how excited she had been. Tala had been the first person Nalani told, other than Eldon of course. She couldn’t stop talking about it saying she’s been ready for months and the First Enchanter finally agreed to let her take it. She passed easily of course, she was a very gifted mage. It was nice to remember the good things about her sister. She tried not to think about what had happened after the circles rebelled. _Just listen to Cullen’s story and you won’t remember.._

Tala had been so consumed with thoughts of her sister that she didn’t realize that Cullen had stopped talking. The look of anguish had washed over his features. How long was she in her head? What did she miss?

Cullen continued, sadness in his voice, “Her harrowing didn’t go exactly as planned. She must’ve been tempted by the demon or it tricked her or something, but the other Templars decided she was taking too long. It was decided beforehand that it was I who had to deal the killing blow if she had failed….I had to…” his voice trailed off.

_Kill her. He had to kill her._ The words echoed in her mind. Cullen’s story had triggered a memory that she had tried so desperately hard to forget. It all came rushing back in a wave of pain; the frantic message from Nalani, the chaos that was now the circle at Ostwick, the look on her sister’s face as the Templar she trusted most betrayed her.

“ _Tala! ….. Tala! ….”_

_“Nalani! ….”_

_“Tala! …_ Herald!”

Cullen’s voice brought her back to the present, “Tala, are you alright? You have quite the grip on that blade.”

She tried to gather her surroundings. She looked down at the blade that had mysteriously appeared in her hand. The pressure from her grip caused her knuckles to start turning white. She dropped the blade on the ground, “I… I need to go.”

“Tala, wait!” Cullen yelled after her and picked up the blade. “Where are you –... Tala!” But she was already past the gates.

She could hear him calling out her name off in the distance. Normally it would bother her that he called her by her name, but all her pain and anger was being directed elsewhere. She needed to talk to the one person who knew all about Nalani. _Andraste’s ass where is Dorian when you need him?_

She needed to sneak out into the trees where no one would find her. If she couldn’t talk to Dorian she at least needed to get some air. Luckily she was good at getting in and out of places unnoticed, it was her specialty. She snuck out of Haven over the wall behind her quarters and ran for trees. She made sure she was far enough away from Haven so that no one would hear or see her. She found the tallest tree, climbed to the top, and started to cry.

* * *

She had no idea how long she had been up in that tree. All she knew was that it was getting dark and if she didn’t climb down soon, the temperature would drop and she would freeze. Her legs were stiff from sitting for hours, and it felt good to stretch. She took her time walking back to the village. She didn’t want to face Cullen after what happened. _He probably thinks I’m a crazy person for running off again like last time._ But why does she care about what he thinks of her? Maybe this will finally be enough to get him to stop talking to her unless it concerns the breach.

_Although, maybe I should apologize this time for running off. It’s not like he knew about my sister and told that story on purpose.._ Tala decided to stop by Cullen’s room to apologize. She would also ask him if he could stop telling stories about failed harrowings or anything to do with siblings or cirlces. _I don’t want to relive that memory again any time soon…_

Once she arrived back at Haven she immediately went to find Cullen only to realize that she actually had no idea where his quarters were at. She found Leliana and asked her if she knew where the Commander was.

“I do. You walk down the steps behind my tent and take a right, it’s the first house on the left. You can’t miss it. He should be in there.” Leliana replied.

“Thanks.”

Leliana gave her a nod and went back to her work. She got to Cullen’s door and finally realized where she was. Her quarters were right next to his! The entire time she’s been at Haven, how has she never noticed the Commanders room was next to hers the entire time? _Now’s not the time to think about that, you have to go apologize._ She took a deep breath and knocked on the door……. _Nothing. Maybe he’s not here._ She breathed a sigh of relief. As she turned to go back to her room, she heard the door open.

“Herald?”

“Commander…” she turned back around. “Uh, may I come in?”

“Uh, of course….come right in.”

He opened the door for her and motioned for her to come inside. She didn’t look at him as she walked past him into his room. There was no fire lit so the room was cold but she could faintly smell a hint of musk. She crossed her arms to keep warm and wondered how he didn’t freeze to death without all of his armor on. He walked past her and sat at his desk. It was cluttered from all the paperwork that was stacked on it.

“You can sit down if you’d like.” He gestured toward a chair against the wall.

“No thanks. I only came here to apologize for what happened during training. Running off again wasn’t on my list of things to do today…” _Neither was sitting in a tree for hours in the freezing cold.._

“No need to apologize. Clearly I had said something that upset you, and for that, I am sorry.”

“Thank you.” _Wait a minute. Why is he apologizing and why did I say thank you? It doesn’t matter now, just keep going.._ “If you tell anymore stories, could you avoid anything to do with failed harrowings, or circles, or siblings?”

“Of course. I will try to stay away from those things next time.”

Tala nodded and turned to walk out, her arms still crossed. She took a few steps toward the door before stopping.

She turned her head, “Did it change you?”

Cullen was silent for a moment. When he spoke, she could hear the pain and sorrow in his voice.

“Yes…. It did. I never allowed myself to become close to another mage. If I did, I… I can’t say that I would have been able to do that again.”

Tala stood there in silence for a moment and considered what he had said. She thought about how much it actually hurt him, how she could hear the sadness in his voice. _Maybe it’s time to let your guard down and start trusting him…_ She walked to the door and opened it halfway.

“Goodnight Cullen.” She said softly.

She closed the door without looking back.

**Author's Note:**

> In the next chapter I had planned on writing this from Cullen's point of view to kind of give you an insight into what he is thinking and how he is feeling throughout this. However, I was not going to do Cullen's POV every time. Thoughts or comments below! :)


End file.
